“YES, use it with gusto!” “Come on, how else do you expect to catch those hard-to-find-gems?” “NO! Dating is evil!”“Weellll…I think you can, I mean, the Bible doesn’t say not to, right?” “Rachel, it’s supposed to be courtship?!” “I just, *sniff, sob,* don’t know what else to…to…to use!”
Okay, you get the point. There are countless answers provided by Christian leaders, parents, teachers, and even by our own peers. With so many conflicting messages, what is a girl to think? Who’s right when it comes to deciding if online dating is okay? However, I think that the online dating question misses the real issue.
The real question is, why do you need to “get out there”?
Could it be…?
- Impatience with the lack of “perspective” young men in your life. You don’t know a single young man who is an option and online dating widens your pond.
- You feel incomplete without a Mr. Right. You yearn for someone to fill your emotional “need” and make you feel like a whole, complete person. Online dating can match you to your soul mate and it can be done from the safe comfort of your own desk.
- The pressure to have a romantic relationship. The culture pushes for a girl to feel confident and secure in having had romantically dabbled with various individuals. You are having trouble narrowing down your preferences, so meeting new people will help you determine who best suits you.
Now, here’s the scary part. None of those reasons were about how to showcase Christ. They are all about you! What you are looking for, what you need, and what best suits you. To be blunt, that’s all online dating is. It’s self-promotion. It’s all about marketing ME. Imagine walking onto a stage, crowded with huge billboards of your face and a wide screen in the center. You face the auditorium stuffed with single men, give a dazzling smile, and then start the slideshow of you. Slides showcasing your talents, beliefs, and Right about now, I’m fighting the temptation to crawl under my desk. Girls, to me, that doesn’t sound even close to the feminine mystery. Not only is this embarrassing to think about, but the process also takes time, money, and energy.
The single young woman as portrayed in scripture “Cares for the things of the Lord” as opposed to the married woman who “cares for the things of her husband.” Online dating sounds like a single young woman who “cares for how to find a husband”. Remember our life goal? To showcase Christ. He alone can completely fulfill us. He is our Joy, Song, Deliverer, Protector, Teacher, and Shepherd. In Him, we are completely content. He commands our focus, devotion and our all. I want to be busy about His business. If it is His will, I know that He will guide me into that godly marriage He has planned. However, I do not want to take time away from His work to do my own romance making.
“As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.” – Psalms 18:30
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” – James 1:17
“It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desires which He creates” – Amy Carmichael
Thank you for reading this through, I know that it goes against our natural tendencies. It may even sound like a hermit lifestyle or a “101 Ways to Stay Single Forever!”. Dear reader, we are together on this journey to know Jesus more. Its not natural for us to be content and complete in Christ alone. However, we can do this 100% right – starting right now! 🙂