Guest Post by: Our older sister Victoria <3
The title of this blog post might appear a bit ambiguous, as if there is such thing as a complete checklist a girl can take and once it is completed a husband automatically appears. While that may sound appealing, it is definitely unrealistic. 😉
I’ll move onto what this blog post is all about. Basically, I want to share with you a few things I learned along my journey of singleness and when God blessed me with a wonderful godly man who became my husband. Not that long ago I was in your shoes: a single girl wondering if God had marriage in store for me. Looking back I know He certainly did! But I believe God wanted to teach me a few things first. It’s those things that I want to share with you. So, let’s pretend we are sitting in a coffee shop and having a good old ‘girl talk’.
1. Jesus Needs to Be Your One and All
One big mistake that I think we girls make is that we hinge a lot of our happiness and purpose of life on a romantic relationship. It is very easy to start thinking that life will ‘really begin’ when Prince Charming shows up. Nothing can be more detrimental to a relationship. That is a huge amount of expectations and pressure mounted on a guy. Expecting a guy to constantly fulfill you emotionally and physically and to make you happy will only damage the relationship. Such expectations only set a girl up for emotional roller coasters and mounting frustration for the guy as he would begin to feel ‘it was never enough’. As wonderful as my husband is, he is still a fallen sinner in need of grace. Why should I be expecting him by some superhuman effort to fulfill my every whim? It is both selfish and immature. Another danger is when we girls start placing our worth on how our relationship status is doing. Again, this only sets us up for dysfunctional relationships.
The root of the matter is this: Are you rooted in Christ as your all and all? Or, are you floundering and looking for a guy to fix your problems?
Remember girls, we were created by God in His image, God desires to have a relationship with us. He sent His Son to die on the cross to redeem us and make us His own. The very fact we wake up in the morning is the sustaining grace and mercy of God.
Colossians 1: 12- 16 sums it up beautifully:
“Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son: In whom we have redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins: Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature: For by Him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by Him, and for Him:”
Do we give thanks to God for redeeming us and making us His own? Do we realize that Jesus our Saviour saved us not only to save us from Hell put to live a transformed life for Him? In the next verses in Colossians (1:17-18) say:
“And He is before all things, and by Him all things consist. And He is the Head of the body, the church: who is the beginning, the Firstborn from the dead; that in all things He might have the preeminence.”
Jesus is the heart of the Gospel, the head of the Church, nothing on earth should be deemed as more important than Him. So, here is the question, is Jesus head of your life? Are there areas you deem ‘more important’ than loving and serving Jesus?
“And ye are complete in Him, which is the head of all principality and power:” -Colossians 2:10
2. Be Content Where You Are
This is tied with what we discussed above. When your heart is fixed on Jesus, you will have joy in serving Him no matter the circumstance. But, I wanted to dwell on this a little bit longer as I know it can be very difficult to not spend your time wishing or dreaming you were not single. But such dreaming is destructive, it leaves you unhappy and robs you of enjoying what you have today. Also, such a habit is not guaranteed to stop once Prince Charming arrives. You could just as easily spend your courtship time dreaming and wishing for marriage and be constantly trying to rush the relationship.
If you are not happy where you are now you will not be happy in any relationship status.
So, don’t waste the time you have right now. Spend time drawing close to God; truth be told you have more time now to study the scriptures than a busy mom of 5 little ones. Also, a contented single woman has a natural safeguard from making rash relationships. A girl desperate for a man is more likely to jump into a relationship quickly and may end up marrying a less-than-godly man.
“Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. ” – Hebrews 13:5
“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” – Timothy 6:6
3. Serve God and Others
When we are single it is easy to get wrapped up in ourselves i.e wishing we had a guy, wanting to be noticed etc. This is unhealthy and selfish. A great way to counteract this selfish wallowing is to be the hands and feet of Jesus by serving those around you. This doesn’t mean you have to go find a ministry far away, it can be a simple as serving your family or your church body. When you see a sink full of dishes, wash them. Mow the lawn. Take your grandma shopping, help out a young family in your Church, or wash windows for your elderly neighbor. The options are endless, a willing pair of hands will never find a lack of jobs. Remember, in marriage, each spouse needs to be willing to serve each other’s needs. By serving others you will grow a serving heart that will be a blessing to your marriage.
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.” -Ephesians 2:10
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” – Philippians 2:3
4. Don’t Blame Men that You Are Single
This is all too easy to do. The concept of ‘men-bashing’ is scarily way too popular in our society. It’s easy to blame men with ‘spiritual laziness’ or ‘not paying attention’. How many of us have thought, “I am a great Christian girl, how come no guy has been smart enough to notice me?” This is the opposite of a humble heart before God. It’s easy to get on our high horse and be frustrated with the seeming lack of godly young men in the world. But hold it, ladies. Before we point the finger I think we should scrutinize ourselves a whole lot more. How many of us have said, “That new guy at Bible study hardly took part in the discussion” When we ourselves were apathetic with our Bible reading that week? Rather than thinking ourselves in a flattering light and throwing men under the bus it’s time we seek a humble heart. Instead of being frustrated with men, pray for them instead. And believe me, ladies, godly men do exist. These men are wondering if any godly young women exist. So rather than casting the blame, examine your own heart. Learning to encourage and pray for the men around you will help prepare you to encourage and pray for your husband.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” – Ephesians 4:29
“Let us, therefore, follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” – Romans 14:19
5. Work on Your Relationship with Your Dad
This is something we have lost in our current society. The idea of a girl respecting and honouring her Dad in a relationship is mocked in movies and novels. But we know from Scripture that God ordained Fathers to care for their children (Col 3:21, Eph. 6:4,) Fathers are also called to protect and care for their daughters until they marry (Num. 30, Jer. 29:6, Ps. 45:10). We, in turn, are instructed to honour our parents, (Ex. 20:12, Eph 6:1-2, Col. 3:20). How you treat your Dad right now will be how you treat your future husband. It’s true. The same goes for guys, how they treat their moms will be how they treat their wives. An honouring and respectful attitude to your father will overflow to your husband. How are you at taking your Dad’s advice? If you’d rather not, I’d suggest you start working on this. If you are unwilling to take your Dad’s advice about a vehicle or a job how will you take his advice about a relationship?
“And He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers…” Malachi 4:6
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” – Ephesians 6:1-3
How we treat our family reveals what we are truly like. If you are curt and barely tolerant with your family, you will be sure to curt and rude to your husband. While it my seem impossible to get frustrated with the Prince Charming of your imagination; its time to realize that in every relationship there is a time when the ‘rubber meets the road’. Learn to cultivate a respectful and encouraging attitude and build up your siblings rather than tearing them down. By investing in the relationships of your family you will be a step ahead in knowing how to invest in your marriage relationship.
“Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him? My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.” – 1 John 3:16-18
“He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.” – 1 John 2:10
7. Seek Godly Accountability
Every Christian needs accountability, and even more so for young adults. If your parents are believers then you have the perfect accountability partners, nobody knows your weaknesses better than your parents! Having our parents ask us how our Scripture reading is going and praying with us prevents us from becoming sloppy in our personal walk with the Lord. Are you struggling to limit your time on social media? Then let them know and they can help keep you on track! If your parents are not believers then find an older woman in your church body who has a strong faith in the Lord. Having accountability takes humbleness, but when we work on accountability now we are prepared for healthy accountability in marriage.
“Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.” – Proverbs 19:20
“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.” – Hebrews 10: 24-25
8. Pray for Your Future Husband
While this is further down the list, it is by no means less important. This is one of the most powerful things you can do as single women for your future man. Do you want your future husband to be godly? Then pray for him to have a seeking heart and for godly counsel in his life Do you want your future husband to keep himself for you? Then pray for him to resist temptation! Do you want your husband to be bold for Christ? Then pray for him to stand firm for truth and not to be swayed by peer pressure. Upholding your future spouse in prayer is one of the greatest gifts you can give him. You can make a list of godly attributes you desire in your husband and pray for a different attribute each day. The time before God in prayer is never wasted.
“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” – Proverbs 31:12
“Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving;” – Colossians 4:2
This is very similar to the above but I felt it needed its own section. While it is good and important to pray during a relationship, I think we often fail to pray for the relationship before it even begins. Just as how praying for your future spouse can bless your future relationship. Bringing that future relationship before God and placing it in His hands is a beautiful way to settle your heart before the Lord. Do you desire your relationship to be God-honouring? Then pray for God to orchestrate the relationship and that both of you would desire to please God. Do you desire your future relationship to be a blessing to those around you? Then pray that both of you will honor God and each other’s parents in the relationship. Girls, time on our knees in prayer is never wasted. Rather than bemoaning our singleness and dreaming, let’s take it to God in prayer instead.
“Pray without ceasing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5: 17
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” – Philippians 4:6
Stay tuned for part 2 where we will take a look at some practicals!